Coming From a Mom of Bigs

I remember hearing those words for the first time. Those blasted dreaded words: “It goes so fast, enjoy every moment.” They came from family members, friends, and strangers alike. “Your going to miss this,” one woman said to me as my youngest was lying in the middle of the aisle at Target as I stood over him. My arms were heavy with items and I was begging and pleading with him to please stand up so we can check out and leave. If my hands had been free I would have grabbed him and proceeded on, but I had to carry my purchases, because when I got a cart his only desire was to push said cart himself, and I did not have the patience or the time to allow that fiasco to take place. I just needed four things. It was after grabbing the last thing that he decided he was done shopping and it was time to rest. The stranger smiled a loving smile and I knew she really was trying to be kind, but in that moment where my only option was to push my son with my foot to the check out lane (I didn’t do that) I was certain that I would not miss this and never would I ever miss this. I was wrong.

To the mom’s of littles, I am sorry to say that the woman was right. I do miss it. Time does go so fast, and you really do need to enjoy every moment. The moments that they are screaming and whining, or the moments that they are splashing water all over the bathroom, or the moments that involve an excess of bodily fluids, you will look back on with nostalgia. Be that as it may, I get it. You are in the thick of it. You are weary and tired. The fits are aplenty and the to do list is as long as your arm. You don’t know when you are going to get to sleep again and you don’t know if you will ever get to take a long hot shower without someone staring at your through the glass. As your kids get older you are no longer covered in food or other’s bodily fluids. Hot showers are possible if you get in there first; teenagers take unusually long showers. Sleep comes back when they are in elementary school; however, when they are teenagers it is gone again. Now you are up waiting on them to get home, or staring at the ceiling worried about college or girlfriends or if you taught them everything they need to know to be a functioning human in society. With bigger kids come bigger worries. Parenting is an endless cycle.

It never really gets easier, it just changes. I am certain there is a mother who is reading this whose children are in their 20s or 30s or even 40s that is telling me to enjoy my teenagers, because I am going to miss it. However, there is a difference. I KNOW I will miss this. I have felt the visceral passage of time. Its excruciating. When I am on my last leg with my 14 year old and his massive attitude, I remember I only have 4 more years with him in our house every day. When I am SO sick of searching for cups and that bag of chips I swear I bought yesterday, I remember that soon no one will be home every day to steal those things from us. It will just be my husband and I and we will know where every fork and spoon is.

A few weeks ago, I was back in Target, this time alone, and stopped my shopping to watch a mom who had a little boy in the front of her cart that looked so much like my oldest. I smiled as they passed by. And then I heard him say to her, “Mama, I want that, please.” His voice was soft at first, but as she denied his request I heard it become a whine with a little bit of a cry. She was kind to him, but continued to deny him the thing he desired. As she wound through the aisles I could hear his little voice continue to plead, “Please mama.” I didn’t have to see her to know that she was exhausted, but was determined to stick to her guns. And that is when it happened. I wept. Tears streamed down my face as I grabbed the shampoo, and they continued as I grabbed more deodorant for the man that was once that same little boy. I laughed at myself as I cried and even stopped to text my son to let him know that his insane mother was crying through target because of the little boy I saw and how deeply he reminded me of him. I am certain Aiden and I had a moment like this at Target at some point. I can’t remember it exactly, but I know we did. And I miss it. I remember that little boy with his big brown eyes looking up at me hopefully, and now that little boy is a 200lb man with a beard I have to force him to shave and a voice as deep as his fathers. Time is a thief.

So, to the moms still in the throes of babies and toddlers, who are drowning and fighting daily, we see you. Most of us forty and fifty year old moms hold our tongues and don’t allow the words to spill from our mouths, but if you see one of us smiling at you in the store as you are holding a screaming toddler just know that we are not judging you. We are fondly reminiscing of the time we had to fireman carry our screaming children out of a store, and one day you will too.