The Importance of Mom Friends

It’s May. The end of the school year is a period of absolute insanity for parents. There are sports games and practices, awards assemblies and end of year banquets, parties and recognitions and graduations, and oh yeah, Mother’s Day. Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful for Mother’s Day and the opportunity to thank all the moms in our lives, but right in the middle of all of the craziness seems laughable. I was going to spend some time reflecting on motherhood, but in the last few weeks I had some encounters with some of my favorite moms; not just my mom and mother in law, but also my friends who are also mothers. The very sweet moments and words of encouragement I received from these friends got me thinking. As mothers we are subjected to advice from all around us. Strangers, neighbors, the Internet, and of course, our own parents are quick to make suggestions or tips, or sometimes judgement, but these people really aren’t in the trenches with us. They don’t know what we are really facing every day, but your friends who have kids the same age as yours… they get it.

I am ridiculously blessed with wonderful people in my life. I have friends groups from all different moments in my life. My college friend group started out as kids ourselves and now we are walking through motherhood. Our kids are different ages, but we can commiserate and share. I also have an amazing group from my early married days. We started off as married friends and then, as luck would have it, we all birthed our first children, three boys and two girls, within three months of each other. One baby was born at the end of January (mine), three in March (two on the same day), and one in early April. We spent weekends with babies scattered on the floor on blankets or swaddled in our arms as we traded stories and battle scars from the first years of motherhood. We compared milestones and discussed strategies. We laughed, we cried, we dealt with illnesses and allergies and our own recoveries. I know for a fact that I would not have survived those early years without those women. They provided me with social outings that helped me feel like a person. They talked me off of ledges when I felt like I was doing it wrong or was too obsessed about a certain milestone. I felt normal in their presence. I knew we all understood each other, even though we did a lot of things differently. We knew we were all doing our best and we knew we had a safe space to be together. The best part was that our kids had each other. They played and grew together and formed a bond that is still impressive to see play out as they are now staring down their senior year of high school, each in a different school.

As our kids have grown, it’s harder to get together. Each kid has forged their own path with different activities. We cheer each other on from a distance, and while the moms are still able to get together occasionally, the kids are so busy. They days of throwing them in a room to play while we share the details of life are over. Now it is social media posts and text threads and direct messages. All of this change brought on a new group of friends: the classmate friends. As my oldest started Kindergarten I met a whole new group of ladies to walk through the school years. We talked through class parties, field trips, and birthday parties. Oh, the birthday parties! Our kids grew and changed, but our understanding of one another as moms was a constant. We text each other asking if they know anything about the English paper due or the science project rubric. We lament over long days of practice and sweat (or freeze) in the stands together watching our kids live their best life. We confirm the plans our kids told us to make sure everyone knows the plan (or that they are telling the truth). We take pictures of our friend’s kids as they walk across the stage at assemblies because we have the better view. We give a pat on the back when we see the lines of exhaustion written all over her face. And when there is the first Senior parent meeting, we smile threw teary eyes remembering the cherub faced babies we dropped off all those years ago. We have watched our kids grow, and we have watched theirs too.

There is nothing sweeter than knowing I can call one of these women in an instant. I have had friends pick up my kids when I can’t. They have run up a white t-shirt because he needs it to wear under his uniform for the game and I live too far away to get it there in time. The best part though is that I watch them care for my kids. They cheer on their victories and hug them, and me, in the defeats. I know they are safe with these moms. I know they will carefully read food labels when my youngest is ravaged with food allergies. I also know that when I call her in tears because of the monster mistake my kid made and I am sick to my stomach with concern, she won’t judge me or my son, but love and listen and care.

All of these women in my life have taught me one very important lesson. I need to make sure I am being this woman for them. Am I a safe place for their kid? Do I provide comfort and love to her when she is worried or tired or scared? Do I celebrate her child even though they may be out performing mine? No one can do this job alone and no one understands like the ones with the kids the same age, in the same walk of life as you and your kids. I am so thankful for the relationships I have. They are the balm for my soul that I need as I feel the pain of watching my kids age. We hold hands, we cry, we laugh, and we lament. So, if you are reading this and you are one of my people please know how much I love you all. Thank you for loving my kids and walking along side me. I promised I am right there for you too.